Still Fighting...

Several of my dear IBD friends posted this article on Facebook this past week. (Click on the "Today I Will Fight" link at the end of this post.) I finally took a moment to read it last night and it's still on my mind today. So much so that I wanted to post it here so I'd always have it somewhere on hand to refer back to. She writes so well about the harsh reality of what us IBD-er's face more often than not in our lives. There was a time--a dark, dark time where pretty much everything she writes so horribly of was my miserable daily life. Fortunately, now I'm happy to say it's not as bad. But unfortunately, too much of what was written about still does go on too frequently in my life. It's a constant internal struggle in more ways than one. More than ever, I find myself internalizing way more than I used to. Probably now that I have kids, how I handle my Crohn's is a lot different than I did before. Life is just too busy, and takes on a different meaning to me now to deal with all of the symptoms and side effects the way I used to, and maybe sometimes the way I should. Since I'm more prone to bottling everything up--emotions, pain, worries, embarrassments, frustrations, I'm trying to find different outlets to "release" it, so to say, to aid in my different approach with it these days. I've been walking on the treadmill again at the Y, I've been enjoying reading again daily, I try to focus on calmness in all realms of daily life. Also, in my own personal way I'm working on a closer relationship with my God--more than just my normal prayers, and I'm trying to surround myself more with spiritual readings that pertain to my life, as well as people who put a positive spin on spirituality for me--those that are truly genuine with their spirituality...there's a big difference. I want to be around and try to be more like those who actually walk the walk, not just talk the talk. But none of these things take away from the reality that you just have to give into sometimes. I don't like giving in, but sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes you just have to not eat what you really want to. Or sometimes you just can't do the park with two toddlers, or run around the way you want to with your kids, or take your dog on a walk, or sleep well most nights. But you can time your medicine the best you can so maybe you won't get nauseous or actually throw up from it, you can spin what's your  "infusion time" to be a bonus "reading time" for you instead, you can surrender and take one of those darn pain pills so you can enjoy an afternoon with your kids, you can plan ahead what food you're going to eat when so you can then eat a little more carefree out with friends or on a date with your husband. And that's what the fight is all about. I quit trying to be in control with this Crohn's, but I don't fully surrender to it either...I fight it. Constantly. And it's an everyday, lifetime fight. Your attitude defines how and what you make of your life despite it. I choose to have my positive attitudes outnumber the negative ones...

"Today I Will Fight"